A couple of days ago I mentioned that my blummin' dog had "killed" my sheepskin boots, causing a great rip down the side. Whilst I knew he had deliberately got hold and ragged them, I did not believe he intentionally set out to damage them, but the damage was done nonetheless.
This evening I set out to mend them. The weather is turning cold and wet, and the boots are so warm I felt it would be a shame not to. Having asked the advice of a leather worker I know I set out to stitch them together. I surveyed the damage, trimmed the raw edges neatly, and whipped them together carefully with a stout needle and thread. I had carefully waxed the thread to make it easier to pull through the leather, and also to improve the longevity of the resulting mend.
Once I had completed them I surveyed the result and commented that they had a pretty impressive scar now, and were a bit lopsided yet were functional, a bit like me!
Some scars are the result of harm done intentionally, others accidental, but the reminder is there for all to see.
Scars are a visual reminder of our triumphs against difficult times, a sign that we have survived and lived to tell the tale. Some scars remind us of minor injuries: being run over with an ice skate; falling off a bicycle or slipping when cutting carrots. Others show surgical intervention where our outer shell has been cut to mend an inner malfunction. Some of mine are pretty massive, but they are part of who I am.
The more difficult scars to deal with are the internal ones, where the pain of loss and trauma leaves scars on our very being. You know what? It is OK to feel like this. It is OK to sit and cry. It is OK to look in a mirror and see only emptiness. Feeling like this shows you are still alive.
These internal scars take much longer to heal than the external ones, but just like those more visible ones need care and a bit of TLC to heal. They will never heal if you keep picking at them! Just as you sometimes need help to heal an external scar, by use of plasters, bandages, or sometimes surgical help, you may also need help for the internal ones to heal. It is OK to ask for and accept that help.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to heal. My boots will never be "perfect" again, but when I look at them I will think of my naughty whuppy, and smile.
Your homework tonight: Be kind to yourself, and do one tiny thing to make you smile x